I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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