I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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