My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
