the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
