Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
