I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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