That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
