I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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