This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
