Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
