somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
