is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
