It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
