GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
