if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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