I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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