walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
