Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
