Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
