She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
