im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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