I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
