Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
