Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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