Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
