Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
