Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
