you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
