i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
