3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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