Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
birth control should be required to get into college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
