I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
