he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
