The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
