i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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