goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Barsexuality is the new black.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
