he puts the penis in happiness.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize