Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
