The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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