I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
