The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
