I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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