You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
