Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
