I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
