Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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