Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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