Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
