i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
