My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
