May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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