She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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