It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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