she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So. Much. Porn.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
