The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize