I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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