Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
