Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
