well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
