All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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