Barsexuality is the new black.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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