Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
What a dumb baby whore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
