halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
