i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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