it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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