I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
