me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
