Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
