i just wanna soil my oats bro
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
